


The Iron Papa

by Sagoberattare



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Dwarf Culture & Customs, Edric and Malika Cadash are in this but are not the Inquisitor, F/M, Family, Fluff, He doesn't remember agreeing to this, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Iron Bull has been promoted to fatherhood, Other, POV The Iron Bull (Dragon Age), Protective The Iron Bull (Dragon Age), Tiny Dwarf child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22576687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sagoberattare/pseuds/Sagoberattare
Summary: The Iron Bull didn't know how it happened, but in the span of a few years he had become Tal Vashosh, entered a committed relationship with the Inquisitor Cadash, and was becoming his own man. You'd think he was at his quota of life changing events, right? Yet he he was, looking at a tiny creature that bore such a strong look to his Kadan, and was still uncertain exactly when he became this tiny loud thing's father.In which the Iron Bull end’s up becoming the dad-figure to his Kadan’s young dwarven daughter.-“She so tiny. Is she suppose to be this tiny?”“Yes. She is the perfect size for her age group.”“She weights so little!”“Also normal.”“Kadan, my nutsack weighs more then she does! Are you certain she isn’t underweight?”-“Krem, help.”“Chief, she’s not going to bite.”“I’m trapped.”“She is literally just. Napping. On. You.”“I’m being held hostage here!”“By a toddler.”-“Nuggy the Purple Nug? What the shit am I reading?”-"Where do babies come from?""Uuuuh... ask your mother. She's omnipotent, she knows everything!"
Relationships: Female Cadash/Iron Bull
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	The Iron Papa

They had been in the middle of some amazing sex when the messenger came in.

His Kadan was on top, riding him like an Antivan Bull Rider and they were in the process of breaking their record of how long she could stay on top before one of them came.

Poor Jim the Scout looked completely traumatized, head tilted at an angle as he dropped the papers he was carrying. Bull was pretty sure it miiiight have something to do with seeing the usually stern, scary and practical Inquisitor Cadash mounted on a guy who was a full four feet taller in height, moaning lewdly. Poor guy made a funny strangling noise, turning so fast he knocked his helmet askew.

“L-L-Lady Inquisitor!”

“Jim…” Kadan growled, not stopping at all to Bull’s grinning delight as he admired her bronze skin’s glistening with sweat. “Unless the * _huff_ * place is being, _ohhhh_ -attacked or- _nnnngh_!- whatever, go away!”

“A, uh, um, Edna Cadash has been brought here…?” Jim yelped, trying to figure out how to get downstairs without seeing more.

No sooner had Jim finished speaking his Kadan was suddenly off him (with him being still very much hard and now in pain at the sudden dismount which was no doubt painful for both of them), rushing to the side room where her tub was. Bull blinked rapidly, trying to figure what just happened. She never stopped, not even when Cullen, Casandra and Josephine walked in and gawked.

“Jim! Keep her and whoever came with her occupied until I get there!”

Jim ran like a pack of demons were trying to eat him, leaving Bull with his throbbing member and his furiously scrubbing dwarf.

“Quick Bull, clean yourself off! There’s somebody I want you to meet!” She yelled, throwing a soapy cloth at him as she tore out of the basin area, ripping her wardrobe open.

Bull was unhappy at the moment but obeyed, standing outside on the balcony for a quick scrub down due to being too big for her tub (and frankly he needed a cold shower, and this was as close to it as he was going to get until later).

One quick and frigid wash off and dressing later found Bull amused as his Kadan had dressed in an outfit that was both simple yet elegant, the kind she used when she needed to impress visitors but didn’t want to look like she put a lot of effort into it. What was unusual was that her usual bun was down in a long braid over her shoulder, softening her features.

“Quick, do I still smell like sex?”

“Nah, but who are you trying to impress?”

She did not answer, instead walked very briskly to the main entrance. He easily kept pace, looking quite put out. She never stopped when they had sex, ever. Which meant that whoever this ‘Edna’ was held an important place in the dwarf’s heart. Casually Bull spoke, keeping his tone light. “Soooo… is this the part you tell me that an ex-lover’s of yours decided to come back?”

His Kadan stopped just as they entered the main area, whipping around to glare up at him. “The Iron Bull-” she growled, using his full name and making him go a little hard at the bared teeth snarl she was directing at him.

He didn’t get to know what she was going to chew him out for, as a loud and high-pitched squeal shrieked out, “MAMA!”

As soon as his Kadan heard that, the snarl she had on melted into a soft looking smile, the kind the Tamassran’s used with children as she turned and in a fluid move was on her knees, arms out and just in time to catch a small child.

“Edna! Sweetheart!” His Heart crooned, her usually hard and striking voice soft. “Honey, when did you get here?”

Bull was fairly certain his brain had just stalled at the combined sight of the dwarf child and his usually harsh and daring lover acting so tender.

“We got here ‘bout an hour ago.” A voice spoke out, mirth filling the smokey tone.

Looking towards Throne he saw… a woman that bore a remarkable resemblance to his Kadan, having a similar build and bronze skin tone, but unlike the Inquisitor she had silvery hair. Near her was about eight other dwarves, milling around yet looking alert.

“Ma, I wasn’t expecting you.” Kadan spoke, tone neutral as she cuddled ( _cuddled_!) the smaller dwarf.

“Sorry, would’ve sent a message but things got complicated. I’ll be heading back out in in a week or so to put the family back in order, just didn’t want Edna to get stuck in the middle of all that.” The elder dwarf spoke, smiling a smile Bull had often seen on his lover when she was about to extract painful vengeance.

“Need help?”

“Nah, it’s just the usual stupid shit but on a different day.” The older woman waved off, and Bull noticed the lines on the older dwarf’s face and the bits of red that still showed through the silver.

Well, his Kadan was going to be sexy vixen once she hit that age.

His dwarf directed her mother and comrades towards the guest suites, insisting they at least rest and join her for dinner. This put the whole party in good spirits as they left to no doubt enjoy the Inquisition’s hospitality, leaving Bull with his Kadan… and Kadan’s child.

Who was now looking at him with big brown eyes that were wide with awe and partly hidden by a black nest of frizzes and curls.

He had a sudden desire to take several large steps away from the tiny and fragile looking child. Kadan seemed to realize that he was staring, and turning towards him, moving her daughter so they could better see.

“This is the Iron Bull, sweetie. He is Mama’s special friend.”

Instead of getting afraid like he thought she would, she gave him a dimpled smile, letting go of Kadan to hold her hand to him and precariously leaning out of her mother’s grip. “Hi!”

Numbly, Bull slowly took the offered hand, and only when she barely managed to get her entire hand around one of his fingers did he realize just how _small_ she was. If she was standing next to him, she wouldn’t even come up to his knees. Hell, she would probably only reach halfway on his tibia.

_Holy shit, she’s tiny!_ He thought as he gave the barest of shakes with his hand, causing her whole arm and upper body to move.

“H’llo, Bull!”

“Hi.”

Kadan raised an eyebrow at his subdued tone, giving him a look that he just waved off. He wasn’t going to get too close to the tiny creature, but he wasn’t about to upset his lover either, he just… needed a moment to wrap his head around this new development.

His Heart looked like she was going to drag it out of him until another messenger ran up to her about something or other, effectively diverting her attention. With that Kadan walked away, Edna still looking at him over her mother’s shoulder with that innocent dimpled smile still on her face, waving her oh-so tiny hand at him.

_So tiny,_ He shuttered.

* * *

He didn’t see his lover for a couple of days after that, having decided to give her space so she could catch up with her family, and had spent most of that week either in the Herald’s Rest or with his men. Currently he was training with Krem, though mentally he was focused over the recent information he acquired over his lover’s family, having been very curious over their sudden appearance of House Cadash.

It turns out that his Heart was from a very unusual family, and he wasn’t referring to the criminal aspect nor that the Cadash House was apparently matrilineal, going from mother to daughter or next female relative in terms of inheritance.

No, the unusual part came in the form of Kadan’s mother. She wasn’t just the Head and Boss of the family but an abnormally fertile dwarf lady, having given birth to a whopping ten kids. Six of the dwarves she took with her to get here were apparently her sons, the other’s her nieces. The nieces and three of Kadan’s brothers were going to be staying here officially to aid the Inquisitor and to show the Inquisition’s its support. Unofficially, a cousin of Boss Cadash was trying to make a massive power play and has already killed Boss Cadash’s other daughters, and Boss Cadash was ensuring all of her potential heirs were removed from this mess while she “took care of the family dispute”, with the brothers being there to act as protection.

According to his sources, his Heart and Boss Cadash had a row over the inheritance, and by the sounds of it his Heart was fully in support over her cousins being named the next Head of the family, while her mother wanted her last surviving daughter to succeed her.

He didn’t know the result of that argument yet, but he would.

He causally moved out of Krem’s hit, mind still mulling over these facts when he felt something tap the back of his boot and then Krem was suddenly yelling, “Chief! Don’t move!”

It was the sheer alarm in his lieutenant’s voice and the panicked expression he shot past him that made him freeze. Krem dropped his sword and rushed behind him, and he felt him pull at something on his boot... that starting giggling.

Looking down revealed that Edna was currently clinging to his boot, tiny arms and legs wrapped around it. She was still giggling as Krem tried to coax the tiny dwarf child off.

_He barely felt her when she latched on._

Despite Krem’s attempts she stubbornly clung to his boot, grinning up at him. He moved his leg forward to better assist Krem in removing her, before promptly putting it back on the ground and stood stock still.

_He didn’t feel any weight._

Edna tugged at his boot, trying to get him to move but he refused. He could walk too fast and send her flying.

“Need a hand?” a gruff but very amused voice inquired, and one look to his left revealed one of Kadan’s brother’s and a cousin, the brother smiling wide as his cousin was desperately trying to not laugh at his predicament. Both had bronze skins, the brother (much like his sister) had red hair and beard while the cousin was a sable brown.

_Why hadn’t they stopped her from attaching herself to his boot?! He could have crushed her!_

Krem gave a pleading whine, and the male dwarf chuckled as he got close. He stopped and with great exaggeration pulled out a large pastry. “Mmmm! So good! Malika, come try this! It’s so sweet!”

The cousin was sporting a massive grin as she sauntered over to him, Edna looking at them with interest. The cousin ( _Malika_ , Bull filed away), reached over and took a chunk of the pastry, and made just as over the top noises of satisfaction.

“So good!”

Edna was now leaning away from his boot, eyeing the pastry. “I want some!”

“Well you havta come over here if you want some.” The male dwarf said, popping another bite in and chewing with exaggeration. “Might want to hurry, Malika here is gonna eat it all.”

“Nom nom.” Malika said, puffing out her cheeks like she had a mouth full of the pastry.

The tiny creature gasped, and suddenly his boot was dwarf free as the tiny girl ran towards her uncle, making grabby hands. “Gimme! Gimme!”

The male dwarf stopped chewing, giving her a pointed look.

“May I please have some, Uncle Edric?” Edna huffed, lower lip stuck out in a pout.

The now named Edric grinned, handing her the rest of the pastry as Malika let out a faux-unhappy sigh.

Edric patted the child on the head as she scarfed the whole thing down, grinning up at him with an appreciative look to his body. Malika, not once looking at Edric, cuffed him in the back of the head.

“Hey-”

“The Qunari is your sister’s ‘special friend’.”

“Yeah! Mama said so!” Edna proudly informed around a mouth full of gooey pastry, completely oblivious to the double meaning.

“Oh. Da- um, darn.” Edric huffed, editing his last word with a quick look at his getting stickier by the minute niece.

Bull was glad the tiny creature was no longer on him as his posture loosened up from its stiffness. Krem smiled, smoothly introducing himself and Bull to their rescuers.

Edic nodded, giving a mocking bow. “Edric Cadash. Reaver, oft ignored voice of reason, and all-around fun uncle. This here is my cousin Malika, Paragon of Stabby Pointy Things and Making Things Stay Dead.”

“Charmed.” Malika said, grinning at Krem in a way that made his lieutenant stand a little straighter.

Bull on the other hand was focused on the child, who had finished her pastry and was licking her fingers while smearing more of the left-over stickiness across her face. It was the way she was eying his boots that made him wary.

Then as though she felt his worries, his beautiful dwarf was walking towards them, accompanied by her mother. Edna noticed them and squealed with glee, running over to her mother. Kadan gracefully picked her up, ignoring the stickiness as her child kissed her cheek.

Boss Cadash smiled lovingly at them, before looking towards her son and niece with a quirked eyebrow, the same expression his dwarf used when she was amused. “Eddie, you didn’t give her sweets, did you? It’ll spoil her appetite.”

Edric gave an incredibly sincere looking smile towards his amused mother as he blatantly lied. “Malika and I couldn’t finish it, so we gave her the tiniest piece. A morsel, barely a mouthful really.”

The crime boss’ lips quirked, looking pointedly back at the sticky child and her decidedly unamused daughter. “Right. Of course.”

Bull watched as his heart smiled widely at her brother, walking towards him in a manner more appropriate for a killer with their target in sight. “Edric, favorite brother of mine,” Kadan started with a melodious tilt to her tone, making her brother sensibly step back. “since you gave her the treat you should help her wash the remains off, yes?”

Edric got the not so subtle hint and took his tiny niece and walked very briskly away with Malika chuckling as she followed, giving Krem a saucy wink before departing.

Krem made an excuse to follow, eyes firmly on Malika’s swaying hips. Boss Cadash just chuckled, rolling her eyes before giving Bull an appraising look.

“Sooo… you’re the Iron Bull. Leader of the Bull Charger’s…and apparently, the Bull my daughter has been ridin’.”

Kadan blushed, glaring at her crass mother. Said mother was just staring at him, looking contemplating. “How the hell are you still walking girl?”

“Ma.”

“His member alone could constitute as a third leg, I’d be bedridden if I rode him.”

“ _Ma_.”

“Have you bucked her into a ceiling yet?”

“ _Mother_.”

Bull wasn’t blushing but he was amused by the older dwarf’s vulgarity, but was sensible enough not to react positively within his Heart’s hearing even if he was admiring the way his heart was looking one lewd comment away from snarling.

It was also the same tactic he’s seen the Inquisitor use when dealing with annoying nobles, much to Josephine’s continual embarrassment. Funny seeing where she got it from.

The crime boss just let out a throaty laugh, thumping her daughter on the back with a wide grin his heart often had when she just got the reaction she was aiming for. She nodded towards him as she left, chucking the whole way.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” his lover said, still red from embarrassment. “Ma tends to speak her mind, damn the consequences and all that. Thank the Maker for Papa, otherwise Ma would have likely gotten a dozen Houses to proclaim a blood feud by now.”

Bull hummed in acknowledgement, the two of them walking towards the kitchens. “Where is your father?”

“Back home, collecting intel and making friends. He’s a lot like Josephine in personality, but with Leliana’s problem solving skills.”

As they got closer, Bull spotted Edna running around with a couple of other children, Edric and Malika standing not too far away conversing with the Bull Charger’s. A quick look around and he spotted a couple more bronze skinned dwarves with red hair milling about not looking out of place, but Bull noticed the way they would surreptitiously look around, eying everyone.

“And Edna’s father?” Bull inquired casually, keeping his tone light. It was something that was bothering him more than he wanted to admit, the idea there was a person out there that Kadan might have loved enough to have a child with.

His love made a sour face, eyes looking away from the playing children.

“The bastard who sired her isn’t in around anymore. Asshole thought knocking up the Head of House Cadash’s daughter would get him an easy life. Him knocking me up wasn’t the issue, I mean I get it, he was kinda like those noble hunters you hear about in Orzammer, and you do what ya gotta do to survive. The problem though was he had knocked up a couple other girls from different houses on top if me. Probably thought he could hedge his bets by doin’ that.”

“Didn’t turn out the way he planned it, huh?”

“He made the error of bragging about what he did to the wrong people, people who thought House Cadash and those other Houses would pay handsomely for his release. Ma and my siblings didn’t like him before he knocked me up, and any goodwill they did possess was obliterated after they confirmed his story. Once it was established that we and the other Houses weren’t going to pay the ransom… well, you get the idea.”

“And what about you?”

“I was angry and hurt. I thought he loved me and wanted to marry me, made me believe I was his one and only love and that we were destined to be together forever… saying it out loud makes me wonder how he managed to make me belief such mushy crap. But I did, only to find out he was using me. The only nice thing I have to say about him now is that he gave me the most amazing daughter in the world.” 

Bull stared at the impossibly small child as she ran about with periodic stops to yank flowers out, thinking about her story. Made sense, in a horrible way.

The tiny creature ran up to them, holding some mountain flowers in those teeny hands. “Mama, look!”

“Oh, how lovely!” His heart cooed, and it still staggered him a bit at the sudden shifts from serious leader to adoring mother.

Edna smiled widely before taking off, her frizzy curls bouncing with each step. The kid was a minnow next to him, yet even next to the Inquisitor Edna was so small… He couldn’t stop the question that came out of his mouth.

“She so tiny. Is she supposed to be this tiny?”

Kadan huffed, amusement in her tone. “Yes. She is the perfect size for her age group.”

Maybe it was simply the racial differences at work here, but he was struggling to believe her. “She weights so little!”

“Also normal.” She replied with an amused drawl.

“Kadan, my nutsack weighs more then she does! Are you certain she isn’t underweight?”

The red head sighed, the scowl she directed it him doing nothing to hide her amusement. Edna had returned, more flowers in her grasp that his heart graciously took though the child stayed this time, looking between him and her mother.

“Would you believe I probably weighted about the same at her age?”

No, he could not believe that. His dwarf was a curvaceous woman of muscle and flexibility! Filled out in all the right ways! Edna probably weight about the same as a straw doll! His disbelief must have been obvious because his lover started loud and boisterously.

Edna looked up at him, frowning. She gave a nod, as though coming to a strong decision.

And then said something that caused confused terror to shoot down his spine. “I like you. I’mma keeping you.”

_What the hell did that mean?!_

* * *

It soon became obvious to the Iron Bull that Edna had inherited her mother’s terrifying tenacity when having a goal. On his Kadan, it was exhilarating and alluring. When Edna displayed it, it was nerve wracking and irritating.

Then again, his lover never aggressively stalked him.

Ever since her declaration she had started following him around, even when he deliberately hid from her. At first, he tried not to be bothered by it, after all she was a child and according to a lot of people it was a sign that she liked him, and since he was in a relationship with her mother it was probably a good idea to befriend the kid. Yet she kept finding him, followed with demands for his attention and time with such a certain level of success that made him think she was getting help from her uncles, considering how amused those bastards were every time she found him.

He was almost tempted to go out with his men on a mission in order to avoid the tiny demanding thing, but pride made him stay.

He would not be scared off by a toddler.

* * *

He messed up. Badly.

He had to stay still. He couldn’t even remember how he got in this situation, but he knew if he moved, he was done for.

“Krem, help.”

His useless second was standing nearby, looking amused as hell. “Chief, she’s not going to bite.”

“I’m trapped.” It was true too. His muscles had started cramping due to the lack of movement, yet he refused to move.

He had kept his distance from Edna, and after seeking out those with children he was informed that she would probably get bored and leave him alone on her own in time. So, he just kept ahead of her, utilizing his vastly longer strides to avoid her.

But then he screwed up, by drinking too much last night after the Cadash’s were sent off, Edric and Malika having decided to pay for drinks. He had drunk his fill and then some and had slept outside of the Inn next to one of the training dummies. When he came to, it was nearly noon and Edna had somehow gotten on his lap and was fast asleep, Krem watching on as Dorian read a book nearby, looking up in amusement every now and then. There were a few of his lover’s brothers milling around, looking amused but deciding not to move the child.

“She is literally just. Napping. On. You.”

“I’m being held hostage here!”

“By a toddler.”

Then Edric showed up, and instead of getting the snoozing child off of him or ordering one of his brethren to do it, had completely ignored him in favor of outrageously flirting with Dorian, who maintain a polite if amused conversation with the dwarf.

It would be another hour before she finally woke up and left, and his dwarf had the nerve to laugh uproariously when he regaled her the entire ordeal later.

* * *

After the Napping Hostage Situation, the child had started changing tactics, seeking out his men as well as him. She had Rocky wrapped around her finger within the first hour of meeting him, Skinner and Dalish cooing over her as they swapped ideas with Kadan on different styles of dresses the tiny dwarf could wear (he didn’t know Skinner knew so much about fashion).

Stitches had won Edna’s regards when he patched up her skinned knee, and Edna enjoyed long one-sided conversations with Grim who not only tolerated the chatty child but snuck her sweets that got blamed on Edric, and Krem seemed to have been adopted after she saw him flirting with Malika and declared him her ‘cousin’. 

Bull would have been impressed with her ability to win over others if he didn’t think she was trying to win his men over just to use them against him…which he knew she had to be doing, as every member of the Charger’s had gone up to him and scolded him for refusing to spend time with the tiny demanding thing, wondering over his reluctance over spending time with her.

His love looked amused when he told her of this, nodding in agreement that her daughter could be doing that though she doubted it was intentional.

* * *

Edna was now expanding her conquest, finding and befriending the rest of the Inquisition.

Josephine and Vivienne had gotten in on dressing Edna up with Kadan and his Chargers, the two going over the latest fashions in both Antiva and Orlais modified for a toddler dwarf.

Sera had taken to helping ‘babysitting’ the girl, which meant that she started teaching her different kind of pranks. Cullen was more or less trying to implement the same tactic he was using by avoiding her but unlike him it appeared to be working since he also purposefully directed her attention towards foods and toys and then beat a hasty retreat the moment she was distracted (Bull was not ashamed to admit he took pointers on this, since this seemed to actually be successful).

Edna seemed to be of the mind that Leliana was amazing because she had a pet nug she allowed Edna to hold, and enjoyed talking to Rainer because the man carved her toys and told her stories, though she still enjoyed Varric’s more and was often found sitting on Cole’s lap during those times who seemed to be both delighted yet unsure when she sat on his lap.

Dorian entranced her with various displays of magic, getting into a friendly rivalry over it with Solas of all people who much like Rainer and Varric enjoyed telling her stories as well.

If she wasn’t a very young child, he’d be very suspicious of her motivations... no, scratch that, regardless of her being a child, he was still very suspicious of her motives simply because she still stalk him even with all these new people for her to stalk.

* * *

He stared down at the tiny nosy thing, hand still on doorknob to his bedroom.

Edna stared up at him, grinning.

“Nope.” Bull decided, quickly closing his door before the child could get to him.

* * *

It would be a month later when it happened. A event he called the “Reading Incident”.

Bull was sitting in his usual chair, nodding off as Krem once again tried to not so subtlety ogle Malika, who was exchanging songs with Maryden, Varric was in a corner telling some embellished story with Rainer, Edric and Dorian listening and Sera loudly telling Cole to mind his business when something tugged on his pants. Bull froze at the sight of Edna, who was holding a book and smiling brightly at him. “Up! Up, Bull!”

_Nnnnnope_. He laid his head back, giving a loud snore in hopes she’d go to someone else. Since the napping incident, he had figured out that she would try and nap on people if they were on the ground or in a bed but tended to not try and ‘wake’ anyone so long as they were sitting on a chair. This meant that any time she was in the area, Bull was suddenly found ‘napping’ in his seat.

The tugging on his pants increased, Edna loudly demanding he pick her up having regrettably figured out he was faking it. No, he was just going to pretend to sleep until she got bored and went elsewhere.

Unfortunately, he didn’t take into consideration that Edna was his lover’s progeny, and that stubbornness and reckless tendencies were in her blood.

He completely froze when he felt Edna begin to climb his pant leg, eye snapping open as she scaled up. If Bull had any doubts that Edna was his Kadan’s child they were laid to rest at seeing that maniac grin on her chubby face, the same grin his heart would sport when she was about to face a challenge that might kill her such as fighting dragons. With all the grace of a suicidal squirrel she climbed up, the book she had was comically tucked into the back of her pants.

He dared not move, out of fear the slightest movement might send her flying across the room. Unfortunately, this meant he couldn’t stop her either, and a quick look around the room told him he wasn’t getting any help as most were not paying them any attention and those that were had clearly decided to sit back and observe, as Varric’s table was currently doing.

After what felt like hours (but were really only a few minutes), Edna finally got to his knee with a satisfied cry of triumph. She looked up at him, her grin vibrant and eyes shown with a fierce sort of glee as she pulled her book out and held it expectantly to him. “Read me a story!”

Bull couldn’t help but stare at the tiny demanding thing, who waved the book in front of him as though it would tempt him take it faster. Again, he looked around for aide, ignoring Varric’s and Dorian’s amused look and Rainer’s laugh as Edric leaned on his arm, grinning widely at him.

Krem was now watching them, an amused smile on his face.

“Hey, uh, Krem? A little help?”

Krem stood, his smile turning mischievous. “Sure thing, Chief!”

And with that he turned and ran out of the pub, abandoning Bull to his private hell—wait, Krem was yelling something. Something about story time—

Suddenly the bar was filled with every Charger and Cadash member sans his Inquisitor, a battalion of Cullen’s recruits, Sera had scrambled downstairs, Varric and Dorian grabbing chairs to get closer as Rainer got filled tankards for everyone with the help of Cole. Soon his men were seated around him, grinning massively.

“Here you go, Chief! A nice audience to help you read that story to little Edna!” Krem, the treacherous bastard said with no small amount of pleasure as the rest of the Chargers loudly agreed.

_He was going to run them into the ground._ He thought as he glared at his grinning and unrepentant Chargers as well as his so-called friends who were now huddled right next to his men, Cole and Rainer sitting behind a rarely smiling Grim, Dorian draped over Edric, Sera sitting between Dalish and Skinner, Varric having a notepad out and ready across from Stitches and Rocky, Krem managing to sneakily sit next to both Malika and Maryden as Cullen’s men and the Cadash dwarves sat on every available surface they could find all loaded with whatever swill the bartender was serving.

Realizing he wasn’t getting out of this, Bull very gently held Edna in place as he took the book. Studying it told him that it wasn’t very big, only a dozen pages and a quick flip through told him it was predominately pictures. He could do this; he’d read it quickly, shuffle her onto someone else and then make his men rue the day they ever met him.

The tiny dwarf was happily sitting on his knee, legs swinging as she looked expectantly at him. “Hurry up and read!”

“Right, let’s get this over with. Ahem, once in a deep land where happy little…nugs…dance and sang…?”

Bull closed the book and turn to the cover, finally noticing the bright, ugly purple rodent drawn onto the cover. “Nuggy the Purple Nug? What the shit am I reading?”

“Oh, that is an Orzammar classic!” Rocky laughed, leaning into Stitches to get a better view.

Bull decided to not comment, as that would prolong Edna’s stay on his knee and read quickly through the book. “Once in a deep land where happy little nugs dance and sang, ‘Tra la la la’-”

Or at least he tried to, until Edna started smacking his knee. “You’re doing it wrong! You havta use the voices!”

Confused, he looked at the pouting child. “What voices?”

“The _voices_! Mama makes funny voices when she reads to me!”

“Look, it not important-”

“But Chief!” Rocky cried, a fake looking expression of sadness on his punchble face. “You have to do the voices! It’s a sacred dwarven tradition!”

“Yeah! And we cherish our dwarven traditions! Especially from Orzammar!” Harding cried out, and Varric and the Cadash family looked ready to piss themselves from holding back the laughter as their fellow surface-born and raised dwarf’s virtuously lied through her teeth.

Suddenly the whole room was going on about how he should read the child’s book with the funny voices because it was a literature treasure of the dwarves and he should really be more respectful of other cultures.

He was almost impressed by how many different people of different countries were telling him to be respectful, even though the basis for this was a stupid child’s book. He might have even believed them to be serious about it, if they all weren’t sporting shit-eating grins as they said it.

Gritting his teeth, he once more tried to tell the story, determined to finish it quickly so he could pummel his men for this. He just had to speak in funny voices, then leave.

He could do this.

** [One hour later] **

He couldn’t do this.

It had been an hour since he started this stupid book, and he was only halfway through. First Edna didn’t like that he wasn’t doing silly voices, then she didn’t think his silly voices were right, then she wanted him to restart the book because she wanted to hear what his _really_ silly voice sounded like from the beginning, then she migrated to his lap, spilled the drink somebody got her on him, moved to his shoulder, tried to read with him and finally finished her ascension at his head, standing on his shoulders as she looked over his head, moving his head by the horns because apparently she couldn’t sit down for long, which only made him want to pin her down to one spot and refuse her anymore movement out of fear she’ll fall. So instead he had one hand on her at all times as he fought to keep the wiggling child from falling and read her damned book.

The bloody ‘audience’ was having too much of a great time, enjoying watching him more than anything else!

He didn’t believe in gods or religions, but he was about ready to plead with the Maker for a rescue!

“What is going on here?”

_Look at that! There was a god and she was his Dwarf!_ He thought with relief, looking at the entrance where the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world stood, looking amused at the sight before her.

Edna too seemed a lot happier, shrieking happily in his ear, “MAMA!”

The crowd parted as she walked up to him, some even had the gall to groan as their fun time was over. Bull was so happy to see her he removed his hand from Edna momentarily.

That was a mistake.

Edna, now no longer being held in placed proceeded to try and give him a heart attack by diving off his shoulder. Without missing a beat, Kadan caught the clearly suicidal child and swung her onto her hip with a disturbing amount of ease and practice… which meant this was not the first time Edna has dived off of something and into her mother’s arms with the clear expectations of being caught.

Great, just great. Not only did Edna have her mother’s fearless tendencies but no self-preservations instincts as well.

He barely had his heartbeat back to normal when his Kadan suddenly was sitting on his knee, Edna perched on hers.

Judging by the excited looks everyone was sporting (and the fact that no one has left), he missed something important after Edna’s insane leap of faith. He soon figured it out when his dwarf started reading that thrice-damned book, complete with funny squeaky voices he would have never thought she was capable of making.

Edna looked happy that her story was being read ‘correctly’, as everyone else seemed to be dying from mirth at hearing the Inquisitor reading a child’s book.

He could admit it, it did sound funny when she read it.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in the Dragon Age fandom for a while, and it isn't easy to find dwarf stories! So here's me giving dwarf fluff.


End file.
